So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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