He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
