Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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