***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
