Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
