And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
