Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
