Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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