I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
