Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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