Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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