I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
