Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
