I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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