only you would photoshop your dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
