New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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