Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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