DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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