I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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