just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
