Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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