You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
