i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
