i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You made out with two different species that night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
