Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
