and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize