Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
