Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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