i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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