Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
