What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
