Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
