I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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