Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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