She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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