therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
