What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
