yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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