"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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