Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
