Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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