What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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