i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
