I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
