so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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