Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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