Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
