Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
