If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
