You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
