im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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