I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize