so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
