At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
