Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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