I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
