I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
