So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
