my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
