i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you had me at cake vodka
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
