This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
