Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
