Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
