No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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