He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my vagina is haunted
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
