Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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