stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize