Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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