wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
