You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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