People with herpes should wear stickers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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