Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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