Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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