My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
