One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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