I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
