I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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