i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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