apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
