don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
