These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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