Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
