Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
